The immediate reaction is hands raised in horror. How crass, how selfish, how insensitive!
But is it?
I remember as a kid having ‘quiet times’ on Christmas day. We had the ecstasy of early morning present-unwrapping – scarf, pencils, jigsaw, books, new jumper – then breakfast, followed by the first ‘quiet time’ when we looked at our presents, mother noting who had given us what as a prelude to the ‘thank you’ letters. We were encouraged to read our books, play with Mecanno, draw, play with Dinky Toys, form plasticine models, but quietly.
After lunch, we could take that new bike/scooter/ roller skates outside and let off steam. A hour later, rosy cheeks and dribbling noses, we came in for Christmas cake and a cup of tea. Then another quiet time before supper and bed.
So seguing out of the 1950s/1960s in to the 21st century… Presents opened to a glass of bubbly and Christmas music via iTunes and AppleTV, fun, thank yous, whoops of joy, chocs opened. Then a quiet time descends, netbooks, iPhones, Mcbooks, new 3G Kindles come out in companionable silence. An hour later and we stir to get showered and dressed, food gets put in the oven, a neighbour’s child calls asking for a lead for his brand new electric guitar, more bubbly. Conversation and catch-up between family members, talk of the digital future centered on content dissemination and useability.
Waiting for lunch, another mini-quiet time.
So in today’s quiet time, we catch up on Twitter, FaceBook, email, buy Kindle books.
Is this really so bad?
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Stories about the life of a well-off happily married woman with a sexy husband, three adorable, perfectly behaved children and a responsible, challenging, but enormously fulfilling job she adores would be tedious.
Who wants to read about Miss Perfect? Typical reactions would be: know-it-all, snooty cow and bor-ing; feelings would be envy, resentment and can’t-be-arsed to read on. If such a book ever got to print, it would be chucked out in the re-cycling after 50 pages. One of my beta readers gives a book 20 pages to convince him it’s worth continuing.
So what does a reader want (especially the 20-page one)?
The heroine in my book3 has overcome her start in life, beaten the bad guys, saved the world, and after a rocky start, has settled down with the love of her life. And we’re pleased to hear nobody’s trying to kidnap her, overturn her society or kill her as in books 1 & 2.
But wait, a big, BIG shadow looms out of her beloved’s past and causes every kind of havoc.
If I’ve done my job properly, readers have begun to like my main character, or at least empathise with her. Perhaps they want to be her friend, her sister or even her. But when the big shock hits, and she realises the trouble she’s in and starts devising a plan to get out of it, they want her to succeed.
Sorry. Not going to happen.
Betrayals, harsh choices, lies, guilt, natural conflict sharpened up by misunderstandings, bad attitude, kidnapping, knifings, trust broken, pursuit by maniacs, weakness, bad temper, death before dishonour, red herrings, comrades of twenty years dying, impossible deadlines to disaster, irrationality, frustration, stomach turning twists. And the agony of watching the character walk towards certain doom…
THESE are what readers want to see. So we as writers have to give our heroes and heroines the worst possible time. Then again. And again.
As the great Chuck Wendig says: After all, that’s what a plot truly is: a character who strives to get above all the shit the storyteller dumps on his fool head.
How cruel are you to your protagonist? And is it always justified?
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Today’s guest, Denise Barnes, tells us not only about writing and her current novel, but how her year in Germany prompted her to write her hilarious book, from Bad to Wurst.
How did you get started with writing? I’ve written since primary school; I wrote a chapter of a serial once a week and put it on the notice board. I loved it when other kids would ask me when the next chapter would be ready. It was very Enid Blyton stuff. One of my heroines, Fennella, was always getting into trouble. My heroines still are!
What is the hardest part of the writing process for you? Making sure I have an idea and a plot which is strong enough to carry a whole book. Then getting the sub-plots to be interesting enough but not to take over.
Do you enjoy research, and how do you set about it? I adore research. My first novel, The Voyagers, is mainly set in Australia, so for research only—you understand—I was forced to go and see it for myself. I found out a lot about my own grandparents who emigrated there in 1913 and who were the inspiration for the novel. My second novel, Kitty’s Story, is going to be partly set in Italy in the Second World War, and it won’t be any problem for me to pack my case and spend time in my favourite country.
How do you develop your characters? I’ve always been fascinated with people, especially the way they sometimes behave out of character, and discovering what motivates them. Luckily, owning my own chain of estate agents, I’ve seen people’s hopes and dreams as well as the worst in owners selling their houses. This gives me all sorts of character ideas! I try hard to develop my heroine and hero gradually so they change in some positive way to keep the reader empathic and ultimately satisfied.
To plot or not to plot? Are you a planner or do you just dive in? Being a visual person, I planned The Voyagers by making a detailed memory map. I had two timelines: one in 2005 and the other in 1913. But juggling the two periods was hard until my writing buddy, Alison (that’s me!), emailed me through her designer time-grid, and I was able to be much more accurate on dates and length of pregnancies, etc. I shall always use this brilliant tool. She should market it!
However, I didn’t expect the second heroine’s ending to turn out the way it did, nor did I have any idea that a wallpaper character would push her way forward, demanding a leading role. She sent the plot spinning in another direction!
Which authors have influenced or inspired you? Charles Dickens for characterisation and, of course, anything written by Jane Austen; I adore her wry wit. I read several books with two timelines as I needed to have an idea of how authors tackled them, particularly as The Voyagers was my first novel. I found Kate Morton, Kate Mosse, Susanna Kearsley and Deirdre Purcell very helpful and loved their books for entertainment value as well.
How do you relax? What interests do you have other than writing?
I love classical music, opera, theatre, reading, reading and more reading, travelling, anything to do with property improvements, singing, performing in the local operatic and dramatic society, anything to do with the ancient Greeks and Romans, art and spending time with family and friends. Shopping is pretty minor but I do have a spree once in awhile.
Are you into social networking, and in what way do you feel it helps your career? I have a website which concentrates on from Bad to Wurst at present. But Alison (Me again!) persuaded me to get on to Twitter. At first I was reluctant as some of the tweets I read seemed very trite, but when I got to know people it was fun as well as helpful. I entered a novel-writing competition which was advertised through Twitter; I wouldn’t have seen it otherwise. However, I’m conscious that when you write words down and press that Tweet button, if the recipient doesn’t know you that well, particularly your humour, it can be taken the wrong way. But it is lovely to chat to other writers, as being a writer can be a lonely old life.
What’s your current book? In 2008 I self-published a memoir, from Bad to Wurst, about my experiences in 1973 as a veggie cook in a sanatorium in Bavaria. I always knew I would write a book about this unusual year, not thinking it would take nearly thirty years before I got down to it! It’s a light-hearted account of work and romance, including my personal observations of the social differences between the Germans and the English. Self-publishing is now more respectable, and Waterstone’s, Daunts Travel in London, and Amazon all stock it. It has just been published as an ebook so it will be interesting to note if sales increase.
Can you tell us something of your work in progress? The Voyagers is a family drama about Juliet, a modern businesswoman who goes to Australia, ostensibly to follow her grandparents’ trail, but in truth she has a secret mission. In every second chapter it drops back to 1913 when Juliet’s grandparents emigrated to Australia as newly-weds. There are strong links between the two stories and plenty of shocks along the way. I’ve finished editing it and it’s off out on submission after Christmas.
My current WIP, Kitty’s Story, could be loosely described as a sequel, but the two will very much stand alone. I am only just a few chapters into this one and haven’t fully formed my characters yet, or the whole story. I just hope it comes to me as I press along!
And finally, what advice would you give a writer just starting out? Make sure you are absolutely certain of your spelling, grammar and layout. If this isn’t right your MS will have a greater chance of being dumped before the first paragraph’s read. As well as investing in some excellent self-help books and adult education courses in English, I strongly suggest finding a creative writing course and/or writing group nearby to give you feedback and support you in your writing.
You should read profusely in the genre you are writing, but also try books out of your comfort zone which show you what you can and can’t do. And lastly, write what you are absolutely passionate about. You’ve got to stay in love with your book and your characters for a long time! Good luck!
Thank you very much, Alison, for inviting me as a guest on your blog. It’s been fun for me and I hope I have given some hints which might be useful to new writers so they have the very best chance for publication.
Great to have you here, Denise. If you want a chuckle to relieve the midwinter gloom, order Denise’s book now: paperback via the link in left-hand box below or download the new Kindle version by clicking on the right-hand box.
I thought it was so funny, I even bothered to write an Amazon review.
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For all Roman ‘nuts’ out there, I have to tell you about a fantastic podcast called The History of Rome. Mike Duncan, a political science and philosophy graduate from Western Washington University, has the knack of neatly dissecting the political and imperial essentials of the Kingdom, Republic and Empire and communicating them with clarity and verve.
His laconic American tones and informal language make complex political intrigue clear and accessible without losing any of the authority. And his apologies if he gets anything wrong (rarely!) are charming and self-deprecating. I think he must be a teacher or lecturer as his talks have the classic ‘introduction/overview-exposition-summary-preface to next talk’ structure.
Although he posted the first episode in July 2007, I only discovered him on iTunes a few months ago and have had the luxury of continuous listening to over 150 back episodes! In between cooking coq au vin, weeding the geraniums, feeding the cat and sorting socks, I have listened entranced to Sulla’s machinations, the Marian reforms, Julian the Apostate, Constantine the Great’s stitch-up.
I’m now at the 390s AD, where my novel’s heroine’s ancestors start altering the course of history…
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Writers are encouraged to read their ms aloud. You arm yourself with a long drink, fend off all household pleas and settle down with the ms or screen in front of you and a notepad to jot down quick notes. Hopefully, the rest of your family hasn’t called the white coat men as you mumble away to yourself and you bash on.
I thought I’d be really clever. I’d load my ms as a personal document on to my Kindle and get it to read it using its text-to-speech feature. Easy-peasy. My throat would love me. Email sent off to Kindle with the attached ms and downloaded shortly after, I propped my Kindle up on the table (More on the fancy cover with a stand here). I opened the ms personal document in the list of books and selected Text-to-speech.
Oh dear!
The electronic voice was American – no problem as my protagonist starts life as a US citizen – and a light baritone. Word for word, it wasn’t bad. ‘C’mon’ came out as ‘See Monday’ but that was the only real blooper. The intonation was a bit haywire, but not a deal-breaker.
It was the way the voice ran straight into the next sentence and even worse, the next paragraph. A human would have paused for breath. After five minutes, my other half brandished headphones in my face and after ten, I had to turn it off.
But I’ve tried it. And you have to try things in life.
So it’s back to the read-aloud-a-thon. We need to hear the intonation, the pauses, the cadences, the flow and the emotion in the sentences. When we read silently, as the normal person does, we hear these in our heads as our neural and linguistic pathways insert them automatically.
Sorry, Kindle, although I love you as an e-book reader, you’re still just a machine.
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