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Tightening and shaving…

I’m editing the second part of my trilogy and it’s causing some blushes of embarrassment. No, not the romantic scenes, but the proliferation of bland and/or superfluous words.

However did I include so many ‘just’s,  ‘I wondered’s, ‘I thought’s, ‘suddenly’s and ‘Well,..’s?
Well, I thought I’d just bash the story out, then suddenly I wondered if it didn’t need a second look. 🙂

My special little target for this excercise is ‘then’.’He did x, then he did ‘y’. Very occasionally, I’ve relented and left it in, but almost every one has been exterminated (as per the Daleks). My laser-like eye has had no pity. The ‘then’s have been put through a process similar to the Star Chamber, then led out to execution.

The more difficult thing is re-working other characters’ interactions with my protagonist. The point of view is first person and she needs to be incredibly observant(!), but I must avoid her saying ‘I saw his eyes show interest.’ and switch it round to ‘His grey eyes showed a flicker of interest.’ The thing to watch here, though, is to make sure she stays prominent in the reader’s eye and mind and is not merely warbling on about everything she sees externally to the detriment of describing her internal conflict.

Ho, hum!

Now to anihilate the ‘just’s…

(Gah! Just noticed the date. This is not a spoof post. Really)

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